Doing Better….

 

Feeling a lot more positive today, after going to the gym yesterday and having a day of healthy eating, This morning I felt a lot more invigorated and confident in myself.

I have done 30 minutes on the Wii Fit and again had a low fat breakfast and lunch, for dinner tonight I have Salmon and Stuffed Peppers planned, so hopefully that will be nice.

Would like to get a good head start on things before my Operation, only 21 days to go  

I know for at least 3 weeks afterwards I will only be able to do gentle exercise so the healthy eating rule is very important to stick to, or I will undo the good work before then.

Not good

Not feeling great today, its weigh in day.
Ive not lost anything In fact Ive probably gained. (weigh in isn't until 12:30pm, an hour to go)
I had a good weekend exercise wise but not food wise.
Saturday we had breakfast at Debenhams in town, then Lunch we had a picnic with things bought from Tescos so unhealthy sandwiches, doughnut, crisps, fizzy juice and so on...then for dinner we had Chicken and oven Chips and we tried Linda McCartney Sausages and both had REALLY bad tummy's in the night afterwards, so no more veggie sausages for us.
Sunday I had a toasted teacake for breakfast, then lunch we went into town and got some freshly made sandwiches, a pastie and some crisps and went and had a picnic by the castle, so again not a fab meal. Dinner was Oven Chips and omelette's...(can you see a theme here, nothing fresh in till the shopping gets delivered tomorrow so its freezer food stuffs all the way! :( )

I feel crap for it, I feel rubbish because Ive ate rubbish.

My anxiety is also playing up, its gotten quite bad since I was told about the need for my ear operation, I think I may need to go and see the GP about it because at night especially its becoming unbearable. I cant sleep and if I do I have nightmares.

Food is my comfort blanket, it always has been, I don't want it to stay that way. Its been the one constant thing in my life that has always "been there" for me, Me and Junk Food are Best Friends.
I don't want to break up with it. If I'm honest I love it too much to leave it alone and walk away, But I have to, I have to be the selfish one in this relationship and do this for me.

I'm scared, Ive always been scared of most things, I'm not a wimp, I can stand up for myself when I need to but I'm afraid of Death, I'm afraid of Illness, I'm afraid of not seeing my Daughter grow up. I know all the time I am at this weight I am shortening my life span everyday. I have to do something, and I have to do that now.

Getting annoyed....

ARGH
Im getting annoyed at myself now.
My lack of Motivation and Self Respect is Zero.

WHY?!! You stupid woman.

Im SO frustrated with myself.. I never bloody learn.

Food Diary - Day 1

No Xenical today. Couldnt muster up the courage to try it.

Breakfast  - Scrambled egg with 2 pieces of brown toast with dairy free vitalite spread.
Lunch - turkey Sandwich with 2 pieces of brown bread
Dinner - Beef stir fry with sweet chilli sauce and wholegrain brown rice. 2 mini spring rolls from Tescos party range.

Snacks - 3 light rich tea biscuits, 1 cherry lips sweet.
Drinks - Water, Decaf Black Coffee.
Exercise - 40 min taking L to the playground and walking up the hills near our house.

Personalised Diet Plan Ideas

 Basically anything that is less than 5g of fat per 100g serving and less than 15g per meal. As ive been prescribed Xenical to try.

Breakfasts -
Scrambled Egg on Toast
Cereal with Oat Milk
Fruit Salad with Soya Yoghurt

Lunches -
Sandwiches
Salads
Jacket Potatoes
Soups

Dinners -
Brown Rice with Homemade Curry
Wholegrain Pasta with homemade Tomato Sauce
Salads
Stews/Casseroles
Salmon and New Potatoes with Vegetables
Roast Dinner



More to be added as I think of them……..

Decisions....

have been made.

Myself and hubby both sat down last night and agreed to eat less junk food and exercise more together as a family.
We arent going to do slimming world at the moment, mainly for the fact that we cant afford it.
So we are going to just eat healthier, not buy "naughty" foods, and make a food Diary of what we are eating each day to see where we might be going wrong even when trying to be good.
Later on we are all going to go for a long walk round the Estate and then take L to the swings for a bit, every little helps as they say....

Starting Weight - 19st 5lb and a half. BMI 41.24

starting AGAIN

So here i am again....Still fat...still hating my body....

Something MUST be done.

Im joining Slimming World again, I have to, I have no willpower with the others I give up after 20 odd days. Im not going to the groups tho, I cant drive and the evenings when Hubby could take me are no good because I have a toddler to get to bed at 7.

ive also joined http://www.minimins.com/ it looks like a really good support forum for all types of diets.

Will post a starting photo later...also have to weigh myself...dum dum duuuuum.