1lb off....

I'm a bit disappointed if I'm honest. Was hoping for at least 2.
I exercised and ate healthily, I didn't do as much exercise as the week before so maybe that's what its all about?

On a positive note it has taken me to my first goal of 6lb off :) now onto the 2nd goal of a total of 12lb off.....

I'm a bit concerned about how this is going to work when I'm in recovery from my op. I will be living on Toast and Soup for a few days, is it worth taking the Xenical whilst eating so little? I'll be throwing up for a week, so they wont really be in my system either?
Also the not being able to exercise for 4 weeks is obviously going to have a negative effect.

I just don't understand why only 1lb, I'm off to look at MyFitnessPal page and see where I have gone wrong.

Goals Post....

A Weekly goal of 300 minutes exercise minimum

Week 1 Achieved (ending 3/10/2011) - 360 Minutes

Week 2 (ending 10/10/2011) Achieved by Day 4 - 475 minutes

Week 3 (ending 17/10/2011) Achieved - 300 Minutes

 

 

Weight Loss Goals

1st Weight Loss Goal - Lose 6lbs - Achieved!!!  - (17/10/2011)

2nd Weight Loss goal - Lose 12lbs -

Me & My Dad

I have been thinking about my Dad all day today, We dont speak to each other, his choice not mine. Pathetic reasons and even though there has been apologies (although I was never quite sure what exactly I was supposed to be apologising for) still no contact.
I saw him in May at a funeral, it was the first time he had met my Husband and my Daughter, he acknowledged them but didnt even say hello to me, just stared at me, shaking and looking petrified. That was not my Dad. He is stronger than that.
He looked ill. I'm actually really worried about him. I dont care that he isnt answering my texts or calls (ok well I do) I just care that he looked so "wrong" he didnt look healthy, he looked like a weak old man.

I sent him a message today telling him of my upcoming operation, I told him this ignoring had gone on long enough, and could he at least let me know if he wanted to hear from me, otherwise I wont bother in future. Ive sent him a message every Birthday, Xmas and Fathers Day for the past 4 years and not got a reply. I have his new number so it's not like he has changed it. Im just hurt that he doesnt even care enough about me to make sure that i'm ok about the Op,or even have the respect to send a message back to say "dont text me" at least then I wouldnt be in bloody limbo all the time.

When I last had this Operation I was ten, I had both my parents there for support, this time My Mum is dead, and My Dad doesnt care. It hurts. A lot.

Blinkies

I saw these on a forum today and decided to go in search of some of my own. Here are a few that made me chuckle!

Pre-Op Day

Today is Pre-op day, which means its just over 2 weeks until the actual operation. I thought I had managed to calm myself down about it and get myself under control as regards to the anxiety rearing its ugly head but obviously not. I'm sitting here actually shaking with fear.

My positivity from yesterday has disappeared and I badly need it back.

A Loss!! it's a Loss!!

Weigh in this morning, and I am super chuffed!!
Ive lost 5lbs and 3/4....YES!!

Starting Weight 274 and 3/4.
Weight after Week 1 is 269lbs
Nice glass of wine tonight and pub lunch with my friend to celebrate, will still have low fat tho :)

Still Positive

Still going along this week, eating less Fat and I do actually feel a lot better for it. The Xenical I hope are working, I have my first weigh in on Monday Morning.
Its time of the month at the moment, so my weight is fluctuating with that so I think I need to give it another week before I "know" if its working or not properly.

Off to a Spa Day tommorow, Really looking forward to it, some lovely massages with my lovely friend Lisa for company. Just a shame it time of the month really as it puts a bit of a dampner on things.
But hey thats what Tampons are for lol.

Doing Better….

 

Feeling a lot more positive today, after going to the gym yesterday and having a day of healthy eating, This morning I felt a lot more invigorated and confident in myself.

I have done 30 minutes on the Wii Fit and again had a low fat breakfast and lunch, for dinner tonight I have Salmon and Stuffed Peppers planned, so hopefully that will be nice.

Would like to get a good head start on things before my Operation, only 21 days to go  

I know for at least 3 weeks afterwards I will only be able to do gentle exercise so the healthy eating rule is very important to stick to, or I will undo the good work before then.

Not good

Not feeling great today, its weigh in day.
Ive not lost anything In fact Ive probably gained. (weigh in isn't until 12:30pm, an hour to go)
I had a good weekend exercise wise but not food wise.
Saturday we had breakfast at Debenhams in town, then Lunch we had a picnic with things bought from Tescos so unhealthy sandwiches, doughnut, crisps, fizzy juice and so on...then for dinner we had Chicken and oven Chips and we tried Linda McCartney Sausages and both had REALLY bad tummy's in the night afterwards, so no more veggie sausages for us.
Sunday I had a toasted teacake for breakfast, then lunch we went into town and got some freshly made sandwiches, a pastie and some crisps and went and had a picnic by the castle, so again not a fab meal. Dinner was Oven Chips and omelette's...(can you see a theme here, nothing fresh in till the shopping gets delivered tomorrow so its freezer food stuffs all the way! :( )

I feel crap for it, I feel rubbish because Ive ate rubbish.

My anxiety is also playing up, its gotten quite bad since I was told about the need for my ear operation, I think I may need to go and see the GP about it because at night especially its becoming unbearable. I cant sleep and if I do I have nightmares.

Food is my comfort blanket, it always has been, I don't want it to stay that way. Its been the one constant thing in my life that has always "been there" for me, Me and Junk Food are Best Friends.
I don't want to break up with it. If I'm honest I love it too much to leave it alone and walk away, But I have to, I have to be the selfish one in this relationship and do this for me.

I'm scared, Ive always been scared of most things, I'm not a wimp, I can stand up for myself when I need to but I'm afraid of Death, I'm afraid of Illness, I'm afraid of not seeing my Daughter grow up. I know all the time I am at this weight I am shortening my life span everyday. I have to do something, and I have to do that now.

Getting annoyed....

ARGH
Im getting annoyed at myself now.
My lack of Motivation and Self Respect is Zero.

WHY?!! You stupid woman.

Im SO frustrated with myself.. I never bloody learn.