Not good

Not feeling great today, its weigh in day.
Ive not lost anything In fact Ive probably gained. (weigh in isn't until 12:30pm, an hour to go)
I had a good weekend exercise wise but not food wise.
Saturday we had breakfast at Debenhams in town, then Lunch we had a picnic with things bought from Tescos so unhealthy sandwiches, doughnut, crisps, fizzy juice and so on...then for dinner we had Chicken and oven Chips and we tried Linda McCartney Sausages and both had REALLY bad tummy's in the night afterwards, so no more veggie sausages for us.
Sunday I had a toasted teacake for breakfast, then lunch we went into town and got some freshly made sandwiches, a pastie and some crisps and went and had a picnic by the castle, so again not a fab meal. Dinner was Oven Chips and omelette's...(can you see a theme here, nothing fresh in till the shopping gets delivered tomorrow so its freezer food stuffs all the way! :( )

I feel crap for it, I feel rubbish because Ive ate rubbish.

My anxiety is also playing up, its gotten quite bad since I was told about the need for my ear operation, I think I may need to go and see the GP about it because at night especially its becoming unbearable. I cant sleep and if I do I have nightmares.

Food is my comfort blanket, it always has been, I don't want it to stay that way. Its been the one constant thing in my life that has always "been there" for me, Me and Junk Food are Best Friends.
I don't want to break up with it. If I'm honest I love it too much to leave it alone and walk away, But I have to, I have to be the selfish one in this relationship and do this for me.

I'm scared, Ive always been scared of most things, I'm not a wimp, I can stand up for myself when I need to but I'm afraid of Death, I'm afraid of Illness, I'm afraid of not seeing my Daughter grow up. I know all the time I am at this weight I am shortening my life span everyday. I have to do something, and I have to do that now.